Posts

5 things I learned from the past 22 years

Yesterday was my 22nd birthday, I'm still mostly 90% the same old me (it was an arbitrary number) Thanks for all the wishes, thanks to everyone who is still sticking around. Actually, I was going to write "22 things I learned from the past 22 years" like you know, it sounds more convenient But I just couldn't crammed out 22 lessons exactly, maybe 22 years wasn't that long for a person to learn a lot It's always hard to get human to really learn something. So here it goes, 5 things I learned from the past 22 years. 1. The world is not a binary place We human love binary. Me vs them, white vs black, good vs evil, rich vs poor etc. Because it is easy for our primitive human brain to process that. We humans don't like complexities, so we reduce the reasons for incidents to the simplest. "He did this, so he must be evil". "They said that, so the rumor must be true". "He is so successful today because he comes from a rich family

Vulnerability and positivity

Image
Last week we had a mentor-mentee meeting As usual, we need to write our GPA of the previous semester on the first page of the journal and then let our mentor sign it There's this culture among the students in IMU: we don't ask about people's GPA (at least to my understanding) hence I never know how well (or how bad) others have done in the exam, I guess it's a good thing so there was 3 of us in the meeting and then I found out that the other two peers were doing very well about 3.93 Meanwhile, I only got 3.88, which I'm not satisfied with but I didn't take it to the heart either UNTIL the mentor went "har? only 3.88 ah?" I believe she didn't say that on purpose, but honestly, I felt belittled. And then for the whole week, I was devastated by the slight difference of 0.05. I am really not a "number" kind of person. Like, you know, you must encounter people of this kind before which one mark or two can drive them crazy. "Yo

As a 1st Year Pharmacy Student

As the title implies, I just ended my 1st year in university! Well technically I'll be having my finals two weeks later yet I can't help but indulge in this holiday mood already fml I just came back to Penang yesterday without informing my mum She was so happy seeing me and I'll never forget her reaction it was so precious haha love you, mum. So my last assessment on Friday before ending year one was the PSD assessment. It was like the simplified version of OSCE and it really scared the shit outta me Overall I think I did it pretty well, except I forgot to include alcohol intake and OTC medication in my history taking *facepalm* I think that would cost me about 2-3 marks However, I managed to close it within the stipulated time. So generally, I'm satisfied with my performance *dabbing*  I must do it better next time! I think my first year as a pharmacy student was less intimidating than I expected it to be. Of course, the workload was huge, and

Forward

(。・∀・)ノ゙嗨 2017年 ! 2016跨2017年 我依然没有庆祝 选择早睡 (因为隔天要起个大早回KL) 随着年龄增长 我越来越享受独处的时光 总觉得日常生活无需太热闹 朋友也不用太多 别人对自己的关注也很多余 就这样安静地 默默地做自己的事情 努力地过好每一天 就觉得很幸福 :) 当然 每一个人都有自己喜欢的生活方式 有的人喜欢热闹、狂欢 自然也有人喜欢宁静  我们不去批评 也不去证明自己的选择有多好 低调地过自己的生活就好了。 在KL的生活也渐渐上了轨道 我逐渐找到最optimum的生活方式  每天都过得很充实很开心 虽然还有更多需要改进的地方(比如我真的需要多运动!T T) 要不是这样地离开家里读书 我大概不会变得更独立、更警惕吧 这四年真的是一个很好的学习机会 而且我的厨艺真的进步很多HAHAHA 每一次下厨 都对妈妈多了更深的敬意和谢意 作为女人 要工作还要照顾我们的饮食起居 真的很不容易 昨天是dailou 21岁的生日  星期五我做完practical后就赶去机场飞到Kuching去给他惊喜 好可惜 没有看到他惊喜的脸(因为我是从后面出现抱着他) 虽然他还是一如既往的淡定HAHAH  可是我看得出他其实内心很开心很激动 这一趟2天2夜也花了我不少钱 T T  但是能够看到Dailou 给他一个难忘又开心的生日 我觉得很值得 钱再赚再存就好了 但是感情方面的培养是需要及时的 也是想要透过这个惊喜 告诉他其实我很爱他 希望可以给他幸福😘 还有 我吃到超好吃的Sarawak laksa!还看了很好看的Assassins Creed哈哈 跟dailou和朋友们也去了好几个地方兜风 东马其实很漂亮 虽然作为城市人会觉得有点闷haha 食物方面除了laksa其他的对槟城人来说太清淡了 但是很希望下次还可以再去!想要去Cultural Village 或者有大自然的地方 所以要练好体力 以后才能够陪dailou去爬山LOL 这次的旅程 我突然想起 如果当时我真的没坚持住 放弃了跟dailou的这段感情 我想我一定会很后悔 因为当我真的看到他 跟他相处一整天下来 我很庆幸当初自己坚持住了 虽然不知道未来还有什么挑战等着

Love is hard, but it's even harder without love

来到IMU念书也1个月了 比想象中的还要快适应这里的生活 原本以为说读私立大学自由度应该比较高一点 其实也没有 我不是去上课 就是呆在宿舍 偶尔周末就跟室友一起出去买东西看电影哈哈 说好多姿多彩的大学生活呢LOL (还要等到明年的recruitment drive才能够参加课外活动唉 来到这里也没有很忙 year 1 的课程全都在form 6读过了 所以现在真的很闷 上的课差不多90%都学过了 正在盘算着要怎样去填满这些空闲时间 我果然是要一直忙碌比较好 因为我一空闲 就会开始胡思乱想 然后dailou就是那个遭殃的人哈哈 昨天跟他闹了别扭 他因为assignment很忙 可是却能够跟朋友出去吃饭 我就不开心了 能够跟朋友出去吃饭 为什么打给我10分钟也不行 所以就生气他哈哈 刚刚我们聊了很久 暂时没事了吧 说实话 我昨天有萌生了要分手的念头 这也不是一天两天的事情 就跟其他远距离情侣一样 我们也经常因为没时间陪伴这样的事情吵架 其实都是我埋怨他少陪我 他基本上就是哄我的角色而已哈哈 辛苦了 我其实很自责 我觉得自己够不到他对我的要求 他要的是很独立的另一半 而这2年多来 我都很努力去改变 让自己变得更独立 不要那么粘他 少依赖他 我们现在基本上一天都不会超过10封whastapp 我也都是静静等他忙完他的事情才打给我 即使有时候很想念他 很想他陪伴我 我也都压抑住 我不想打扰他做重要的事情 我不够独立吗? 那到什么程度才算独立呢? 或许这些体谅和忍让的过程 我其实一点都不乐意 我只是在逼自己去成为一个他喜欢的女朋友 所以不满累积久了 总是会在一个时间点爆发 以前就经常这样了 只是我越来越能够拿捏 就上一个爆发和下一个爆发之间的duration变长了哈哈 但是有时候真的很累 我其实也不清楚到底是什么让我们彼此那么累 有时候我觉得我正在进步中 做的还不错 有自己的生活 但有时候我会发现其实我很寂寞 很孤独 我慢慢失去了自己 虽然我有一个男朋友 但是我体会不到那份归属感。 撇开这些不谈 dailou是一个很棒的男朋友 我知道他很希望我是一个很独立的女生 不需要那么多陪伴 但他其实从来没有真正要求我成为那样的人 他一知道我觉得被忽略了 他会很紧张打给我关心我 即使我们都知道这些事上彼此都没有

IMU Scholarship Interview

*For English version, please find me on Facebook or drop me an email at kerrotoh010796@hotmail.com. Thanks! 首先 要宣布一个好消息 就是 我拿到IMU Full Scholarship 啦!!! (撒花 (庆祝 我还一直被酸『不懂谁之前一直emo』哈哈我也没想到事情会有这样的转变 所以这篇是一篇感谢文 dedicated to all of you :) 也顺便分享interview的点滴 还有这一路走来我是如何白痴到差点没拿到这份scholarship的事情 前阵子 我拿到IMU的offer letter之后 就如火如荼准备document 验血之类的事情 我完全没去考虑scholarship这回事 一方面imu全科系只有一份奖学金 我用屁股想我也应该不会得到 (Lesson 1:别一开始就对自己没信心! ) 而且scholarship application是by invitation的 意思就是: 你要先交first sem学费>如果你符合资格, IMU才会email你,说你可以申请奖学金,要交上一些document和一篇personal statement> 然后等一段时间,合格的话,你才会被叫去interview> interview成功了 才会得到scholarship。 所以 姐就是这样过关斩将的嘿 (我还以为我连被叫去interview的机会都没有) 由于是by invitation 而那时候我根本都没有收到任何email 所以就下意识地认为我应该没机会了 不能怪我吧T T 我那时候的自信心已经被政府搞得碎一满地了唉 战斗力为0 是妈妈叫我打电话去IMU问一问看的 我也就照做了 结果IMU那时候表示我并没有在他们的waiting list上 但是我的成绩是符合申请资格的 会帮我跟进 如果有的话会email给我 所以意思是说 如果我没有打电话过去 根本不会有今天这篇文章 再次谢谢母亲大人 (Lesson 2:不要 过于被动,想要的东西要积极去争取!) 接着也不知道过了多久 我就收到invitation email了 就把全部document交上去 在此要shou

Humble Beginning

Here come the other half of the year 2016, and I just passed my first 20s yay If I really have to point out one significant lesson that I learned so far, it will be: Embracing My Own Weakness. I'm no stranger when it comes to struggling with my own weaknesses I have unreasonably high self-esteem, most of the time it is a good thing because it makes me a tenacious person But the down side of it is that I can't easily accept my own weaknesses I have been dealing with this all the time I always have a hard time getting over my mistakes It takes me days and nights to contemplate my life, and keep questioning myself why the heck would I have done that But I guess this is my own way of learning about life. When I got really frustrated about all the glitches, I started to remember them, then I carved them in heart and mind, keep on reminding myself to not repeat the same thing again. The process is not so pleasant though, as I have to go through a series of self-accusat